


Fear of Fridges

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-24
Updated: 2004-09-24
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7638847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elijah's fridge needs cleaning.  Send for Billy and Dom!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear of Fridges

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

**8.00 pm**

"OK, let's take five, another hour and we should have this nailed."

Billy and Dom looked at each other and wailed.

"Sorry guys. Sit tight, not much longer."

"Cheers, Pete," Dom said. "Can you get someone to get me my mobile? It's in my bag somewhere."

"And I'd love some water," Billy said.

The studio rapidly emptied, leaving Dom and Billy trapped in Treebeard's hands.

"I can believe we've got to sit here another hour, on a Friday night," Dom moaned. Billy merely swung his feet and hummed to himself until someone came back with the mobile and a water bottle.

Dom dialled his voicemail.

"Wow, four messages."

"Mr Popularity."

_"Hey, Dommie, it's Lij. Can't wait to see you guys tomorrow. Two whole days without feet! Get the beers in. See you!"_

"Lij. Sweet."

Billy nodded and drank water.

The next message was equally short and to the point. _"Dom and Billy up a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G,"_ followed by kissing noises.

Dom rolled his eyes.

"Who is it?" Billy asked.

"Orli being a fuckwit."

Dom erased the message.

_"Monaghan. She may have a beard, but at least she's a woman underneath. Billy turned out to be a man under that wig, and you still fucked him."_

"Right."

"What?"

"Viggo. Can't let this one go." He dialled the number; it rang three times before going to his machine. Dom kept his eyes on Billy the whole time. "Listen, Viggo. After being in this tree for a week, my balls have gone internal, aaaand.....you can be the one to suck 'em back out again, mate. See you tomorrow."

Billy hooted with laughter. Dom dialled his voicemail again and listened to the final message.

_"Hey Dom, it's Lij again. Look, um... can you do me a favour? Can you go to my place and see if I've left any old food lying around and throw it out? I'm scared that after being away for three weeks, when I open my fridge it's going to be like that scene from Minority Report. Do this and I'll love you for ever. See you."_

Dom switched the phone off and passed it to the crew member who was now standing at the bottom of the tree.

"Elwood's afraid of his fridge," Dom said.

"What?"

"I'll explain later."

Billy looked at Treebeard, who blinked back at him. He cast his eyes around the studio, where people were beginning to re-assemble. "This is so ridiculous. I'm getting paid to sit in a pretend talking tree..."

"As opposed to a _real_ talking tree?"

"Shut up. I'm getting paid to sit in a pretend talking tree in a wig and big hairy feet. I'm an adult. This is my job. It's what I do. For a living."

"OK, let's go!" Peter's voice rang out.

Dom looked at Billy and beamed.

"Fucking fantastic, isn't it?"

 

**9.30 pm**

"Oh yes. Right there. That's it.... yes...."

Dom watched the rapt expression on Billy's face, entranced, and sucked on his beer bottle. His phone rang.

"Hey, Lij, what's up?"

_"Dommie, Sblomie, buddy, love of my life..."_

"Elwood, you're pissed."

_"What are you doing to Billy? Sounds like he's enjoying it. Can I have some too?"_

"He's having his feet scrubbed, you horny tart, don't get over-excited."

_"Oh, you've only just got done? I'm sorry..."_

"You don't sound sorry. You sound arseholed."

_"Did you get my message? About the food?"_

"Yeah, uh... what the fuck?"

_"It's just... you have a stronger stomach than me. I have a mould thing. I'm sure I left stuff in there, and it's going to jump out at me, and I'll just throw up, and... Please, Sblomie? Please?"_

"What's it worth?"

_"I'll think of something. Really I will. Pleeeeease...."_

"Help me get back at Viggo tomorrow."

_"Whatever. Anything. Sblom?"_

"Yeah, OK, you big girl, seeing as you asked so nicely... Bill?"

"Yup?"

"We're going to Elwood's tonight to clean out his fridge. He's scared of it."

"OK."

_"I love you, Sblomie! See you tomorrow. We're going surfing, dudes! Yeah!"_

Dom switched off the phone, smiling.

"Bill? _Bill!_ "

"Uh... yeah?"

"Forget going out to eat. Let's just get take away on the way back from Lij's place."

"OK. Whatever. I'm knackered."

 

**10.45 pm**

"Shit."

"Fuck."

"What's that?"

"Bacon."

"But it's green."

"Er - I wouldn't smell the milk if I were..."

Billy ran to the sink, retching dramatically, and poured the Liquid Formerly Known as Milk away.

"What else is in there?"

Dom peered at a jar. "I think this was leftover spaghetti sauce. But it has lodgers."

Billy squatted in front of the fridge, pulled open a drawer and held up a rubbery carrot, leaning back against Dom's legs. "I see he must have had a vegetable buying day right before he left. Ugh." He rummaged in the drawer again and lifted up a green soggy mass wrapped up in plastic, which dripped unpleasantly on the floor and on Dom's trainers. "Cucumber."

"Get rid of it, you twat!" Dom put his foot on the pedal bin and Billy aimed the ex-cucumber in, leaving a trail of water from the fridge to the bin. "Nice."

The jar of spaghetti sauce/mould, the carrot, the green bacon and several other miscellaneous former food items hit the bin in rapid succession. Billy wrapped his arms around Dom's knees and bit him on the leg while Dom took a six-pack of beer off the counter and placed it ceremonially in the middle of the now-empty fridge. Billy stood up and out of the way and Dom closed the door.

"He'd better bloody well love us for this."

Billy wandered into the living room picking up general bachelor-boy debris and tidying up. "Shall we go get Chinese?" he asked, to no-one in particular. Suddenly he was caught round the waist from behind, and Dom growled into his neck.

"Dom and Billy up a tree...." he said, and unceremoniously licked Billy from collarbone to earlobe.

"Let me guess...." Billy twisted around and grabbed the back of Dom's head, forcing his tongue into Dom's mouth. It was a few moments before he allowed them to come up for air. "K.." he murmured against Dom's lips.

"I"

"S"

"S"

"I"

"N"

"Um....G?" and Billy's tongue went back into Dom's mouth and began doing a delightful polka against Dom's tongue. Dom hooked his fingers through Billy's belt loops and pulled Billy to him. They both made an involuntary "Uh" as their hips bumped together.

"Bill...."

"Dom..." Billy said into Dom's neck.

"I want to do you, right here, right now."

Billy lifted his head and looked at Dom with a quizzical expression. Dom grinned and nuzzled the side of his neck with little snarling noises.

"Right now? In Elijah's living room?"

Dom's face was still in Billy's neck. "Mmm.... here... now... horny as fuck..."

"You total perv, Dominic."

Dominic suckled gently on Billy's Adam's apple and trailed the tip of his tongue back up to meet Billy's lips, and Billy felt the fly of his jeans being undone.

"Well, if you insist."

"Oh I do, I do insist..." Dom murmured against his mouth , before taking Billy's erection in his hand and starting to stroke.

"Ah.... shit... Dom..."

Billy managed to undo Dom's jeans and push them and his boxers off his hips before yanking down his own jeans and boxers, grabbing Dom's hips and pushing their bodies together. Dominic tumbled them back until he was lying on the floor with Billy on top of him, clothes tangled round their ankles.

"Ow," Billy said as his knees hit the carpet, then, "Ah... yes...."

They ground their hips urgently into each other, panting and moaning sounds that were somewhere in between 'oh' and 'uh' and each other's names. White heat slowly filled Billy's body from his toes to his ears, as he looked at Dom's face beneath him, looking back at him, smiling at him, for him. "Yes.. Dom, yes..." he whispered.

"Bill - now," Dom whispered. This was the part Billy loved to watch. He pressed his forehead against Dom's as Dom's eyes widened, and he gasped "Bill... Bill... Billyyyyyy!", with Billy joining him in oblivion a few moments later before collapsing in a panting, sweating heap on top of him.

A heart was pounding.

Billy wasn't sure if it was his or Dom's. He opened his eyes, but didn't move, enjoying the feeling of his temple pressing against Dom's stubbly cheek.

"Bill," Dom said against Billy's ear.

"What?"

"I think we just did it on Elwood's carpet."

"No shit."

"It was fun, though."

"Oh yes. Fun. Definitely fun." Billy kissed him gently on the mouth. "Love you, Dommie."

"Love you too, Billy."

Dom wriggled under him. "Fuck... after this week, I don't think I'm going to ever be able to have children."

"Dom."

"What?"

"You're a poof. You're with me. I think that ship's pretty much sailed."

"You mean you don't want my babies?"

"Not really. They'd be pretty bloody ugly, let's face it."

"Hmm. Maybe you're right." He pushed Billy off him and sat up. "I'm starving. Let's go get Chinese."

"Your place or mine?"

"Don't care. Just as long as it has a clean fridge."


End file.
